I don’t teach, formally, yet. I came close though.
I recently decided that it was time to get back to the journey I paused, for highly transformative personal reasons, and point my attention toward finishing the drop in classes and Sadhanas needed to obtain my paper certificate.
To help me with this, I turned to Kundalini, as I always do. Just like with essential oils, there’s a Kriya for everything: what ails you, what you would like to enhance, realign, move past, or integrate.
I chose to chant Bahota Karam 11 times a day. It’s the 25th Pauri (or verse/stanza) of Japji.
JapJi is a Sikh prayer composed by Guru Nanak that appears at the beginning of the holy scripture of the Sikhs. This prayer is recited at the start of the daily early morning Aquarian Sadhana practice that was recommended by Yogi Bhajan. JapJi is a prayer chanted or recited in Gurbani, a sacred sound from the infinite that is depicted in writing.Hari Dev Kaur for Sat Nam Fest
Reciting this language, and the movement of the teeth, lips, and tongue along the roof of your mouth, called meridian points, they act like a keyboard punching code directly into your brain (your personal computer in this analogy). There are 38 Pauri’s and each one concentrates on strengthening, or banishing something for healing.
I figured this combination would get back on track, stay focused, re-organize, recalibrate and keep up with the demands of the kids going back to school, shifting my work schedule to accommodate, and finishing up my Kundalini requirements.
Not even 2 days in, and I received a text from a friend with a link to a yoga teaching gig. I don’t like to tell the Universe no when it sends it’s “gifts”. I never want to look a gift horse in the mouth (and now, at 41, I finally think I know what that means). I forwarded it to my wife and we were both super excited! I applied. I didn’t create a resume, I didn’t have a plan, I didn’t even think twice.
I was interviewed and got the job on the spot. I was SO excited that someone saw me as a Kundalini Yoga teacher, and believed that I could hold the space for students. The very next day, another offer came my way, and I was overwhelmed by the opportunities multiplying at my feet.
For the first time in my life, I studied for something, worked at it, and was executing on it. What do I mean? Well, let’s go down the list: I am a trained opera singer who doesn’t sing. I hold a Bachelor’s Degree in Human Resources, and don’t use that (the humans I manage, are the not-so-little ones at home – 15, almost 15, and almost 12 year old boys). I am two classes away from a Master’s Degree to teach HS English, and work part-time, as an administrative assistant, in an office, with no plans, at all, to finish that degree.
So, here we are with teacher training behind me, a few drop in classes and some Sadhanas to finish, and I am adamant about finishing them, and teaching.
Since receiving these offers, I have been consumed with what teaching, holding a part-time office job, being a mother to three, being newly married, and trying to integrate our families, with our 4 dogs would look like. It took me a few days, and a lot staring at the ceiling moments, reflecting on my practice, and how I leveraged that to get where I am right now, with my new life. I came to the decision that for me to move forward with anything, I need to honor where it comes from.
I asked the Universe, and my deep inner knowing, last year, to change my life, to refine me, and help me move towards the natural alignment of my gifts, to bring clarity to where I could shine brightest. I was ready for it. Through that deep prayer, and work, I was shown, and given my current wife, the family we now share, and our four dogs. I was given teacher training, and the deepening of my sensitivites as a helpful, postive component of my personal projection over my family, community, and self. I was given the chance to work through past trauma because I finally felt safe enough to do so. I was given the gift of being myself; I felt strong enough to look in the mirror and smile instead of shy away.
I let go of both teaching opportunities. Before I communicated my decisions, I consulted the cards, FIRST. You know I did. Here’s what I pulled and the message that came through:
I have the wherewithal to create, and manifest my own idea of what a balanced life looks like. How to hold Kundalini: the private practice, and the teaching aspect; along with my budding family that I love to tend. I can create anything I want. I literally have magic in me (when I remember that truth!). There’s also an undercurrent of imposter syndrome within me that I have to be aware of. Why don’t I think I can ask for time, space, readjustment, fine tuning, or what I need to thrive in all aspects of my gifts? Hadn’t I learned that already? Why do I need others to validate that I am a teacher, that I can hold space in an “official” capacity. I can because I know I can.
Instead of moving forward with a flat no, or my usual yes-to-everything-and-panic-later (because that’s what Sag’s do), I moved forward with, “No, but…”. I focused narrowly on what would bring me the highest joy, the best balance and provided an alternative that made me feel comfortable. I allowed my higher consciousness to speak with my lower consciousness. In that meeting of the minds, they came up with the highest and best way forward.
I don’t know what comes next, and I’m completely at peace with that. I don’t have to know. I’m grateful for the opporunities both to teach and to see that Kundalini works! Sometimes quicker than I can keep up with!
I feel like I adulted in a really significant way. Tell me you’ve been there! What happens? Do we get ice cream?
So, HAI Virgo season. Thanks for coming in hard with the time-to-ground-your-energies vibe.
P.S. if you ever wanted a tarot reading, I am available. You can comment here, or send me a message at livdayalkaur (at) gmail.com for rates. I do share community readings on Instagram every week.